Everything Between Us by Harper Bliss

Author:Harper Bliss [Bliss, Harper]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9789881491053
Publisher: Ladylit Publishing
Published: 2017-03-13T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

I must have dozed off at some point in the night, because I wake up lying on my stomach with my leg hanging halfway out of Caitlin’s bed. There’s an alarm clock on her side so I push myself up to see the time. It’s 5:45 a.m. I’m relieved I got some sleep and conclude it must have been sheer emotional exhaustion that knocked me out in the end.

I try not to move too much so as not to wake up Caitlin. I wish I had found a way to sneak my running shoes into my purse so I could go for a jog, to run all the negative feelings that still bloom inside my chest off me. I briefly consider making my way back to Camperdown and get a set of clean clothes and just be by myself for a little while, but dinner last night was expensive and a return bus fare, when I have to come back to Darlinghurst for my shift at the Pink Bean anyway, seems like a silly expense.

I glance over at Caitlin and remember how her body felt in my hands. So willing, so much along the line of expectations. She’s lying on her back, the covers pulled all the way up to her chin, as though she’s protecting me from her nakedness—or herself from my prying eyes.

Ironically, a surge of lust sweeps through me at the sight of her sleeping, relaxed face. Her lipstick is smudged and her mascara has left black flecks on her temples.

She was so sweet last night, said all the right things, but I can’t imagine a woman like Caitlin not being a little bit offended by my failure to climax. Though I’m not sure what I actually mean by a woman like Caitlin. A woman who has had many lovers? A woman who believes sexual pleasure should not be contained within the confines of a relationship? Again, as I lie next to her in bed, the thought strikes me that we couldn’t be more different.

I roll onto my back, careful not to stir the mattress too much, and I get a tickle in my throat. My mouth is dry as an aftereffect of all that wine last night and I decide to fetch some water.

I walk through Caitlin’s apartment naked. I could have scurried for my dress in the darkness of the bedroom, but Caitlin’s apartment is so high up, no one could possibly look inside and see me.

I head to the kitchen, fill a glass with water, and drink greedily. I can still smell her on me as I bring the glass to my mouth. I walk to the bookshelves that impressed me so much the first time I came here—did she already want to sleep with me then?—and run a finger over the spines. All these works on feminism, body acceptance, and the role of women throughout history, and here I am, feeling so diminished by my inability to come at Caitlin’s hands.

She’s probably

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